EVERYTIME I TRIED.

Failing is a common word to all of us, it made me take a time with myself to sit back and think of all the times I encountered failure and why it is haunting me. Every time I tried I tripped else I would be somewhere better than sitting on a spongy carpet writing of every time I failed. Afraid of trying despite the risks I took. The blame I give to myself vs the applause that would come my way if the risks bore fruits. Born in a stable family, I learnt about giving, being nice to people, caring and all those qualities that I grew up with, each day watching a quality fade because of what the world had taught me. 

We all tried and few made it! But how about me who makes it but not to the ultimate end. No matter how hard you give it your all, failure always have legal ways to bring you down. Just a day ago, after almost a month without trading due losses of more than $200 in two days, I absorb myself and go into other trades and make a total of $500 despite the many withdrawals of roughly  $100 in a day. Yet failure wont leave my trails, I go on with my trades all night, watching all my cash go down and the last coin dropping at around 4:40am. This was my first KSH 54,000/-. I never touched but saw it in figures on my laptop! No one knows how deep someone is fighting battles that bring him down always. As much as I try, hustle and get the trading cash, spend nights trying to bring new trading skills and making money just to loose them in minutes is unbearable! No will recognize your efforts after you fail. So keep on trying. Failure is the road to success.

Back to qualities that make you. Most of our failures are related, someone let you down, you tried and failed automatically, you never gave it your all and so much more. I have regretted most of the things that I have done for my friends in a way to support them or grow together in all aspects of life. You start learning that its all about you, but as I learn I am still failing and I do not know what to learn no more! Tats when you stop being a nice person, you realize nothing is taking you anywhere and it all depends on what you have at hand. The decisions you will make either right or wrong are just ok with you. You are trying
to save something that went wrong. Some will make it through well and pass the risks they take and others will FAIL just to create bigger problems in their life! 

I have failed many times in my life, being young most of the things that happen in your life surround you and your parents and anyone else whos close to you. Most of the times I feel guilt, have failed my parents. In as much as you want to bring yourself up time is running and maybe you getting more and more troubled and everyone thinks you are a douchebag. That's how the world is. As much as you fail keep trying till I don't know when because I haven't seen the light yet. My tunnel is so dark and every time I think I'm making it out I realize that the light I saw was to make my heart beat faster and my smile appear for a short while. 

Failure is a demon! Every time you failed you lost. The devil only kills steals and destroy. Start with stealing, failure steals the determination, the urge and steals your ego. More failure will destroy you, your body functions and your body, will destroy your plans and your future later. More failure will kill your dreams and also will kill you at times. Most people who took their lives had no confidence let in themselves. 

We should learn to say NO to failure, most of us are captives, we try but cant move. Speak to your struggles and give them no authority over you. Accept yourself once again and give it a try till you make it! Failure will drain you!